Life experiences and the lifestyle

Not sure if this is the right place for this but I’ve been inspired by another blogger who’s shared their life experiences and how the lifestyle fits with them. So here goes…

My mum and dad married when they were 16 and 18 respectively. This was back in the early 70s. My maternal grandad left the family home when my mum was 7. She had 2 elder siblings and 1 younger. Another brother died when he was 6 months old. My maternal grandmother was a selfish woman and it’s only since she died in 2015 that I’ve learnt quite how cruel she was to my mum. She made her feel like a freak. I’ve read words that my grandmother actually wrote about my mum….depicting her as an out-and-out troublemaker with mental health issues. Maybe she did have but likely caused by this outrageous and despicable behaviour.

My dad was an only child born to really “traditional” 1950s working class parents. Grandad was the breadwinner, stiff upper lip and clear ideas of how a boy should be. My nan doted on this only son, completely blind to any faults. My dad wasn’t like my grandad…he didn’t like football, wasn’t particularly “manly” etc.

So enter the romance between the teenagers seeking acceptance and in my mum’s case, love.

I came along when my mum was 18 and my dad nearly 20. They were real hippies. My dad could generally be found smoking a spliff when he wasn’t at work. They had loads of friends who would drift in and out and in the evenings our lounge would be fogged with that pungent smoke.

My paternal grandparents would often have me at the weekends….My parents were still so young and enjoyed a social life (quite rightly). My nan and grandad doted on me, I think they saw me kind of like their little girl – they were in their early 40s when I was born. I absolutely loved going to their house, it was totally different to mine, not that I hated mine, I was just spoiled rotten there.

Wind that spool onto the late 80s and I now had two much younger brothers (my mum had 5 miscarriages before them, 1 at 24 weeks).

My dad had always worked, at times on shifts, he was reliable and worked hard. He had also started to play harder, using cocaine and because I suppose he just loved to break rules (and to make money) he dealt pot and coke.

One balmy June night when my youngest brother was 3 months old and the older was 2, the police came with a warrant. I was 13. They searched the house. My mum had a friend there (she also bought pot from dad). I was taken to the bathroom and strip searched. I think I have blanked it out as much as I can but I do remember facing the wall..I can see the tiles. Mum and friend were also strip searched separately.

My dad went to prison for 6 months. When he came out, he got a job and I thought that would be it but after time, things returned to “normal”.

I met my husband just after I turned 16. It felt so right, so comfortable. As I first posted our sex life was nothing to write home about after the first couple of years. I didn’t orgasm until this year – it didn’t seem worth the bother. Everything else about our relationship worked and we loved (and still love) each other to the ends of the Earth. We had two kids and they are now mid-teens and let me tell you that they are wonderful (I’m biased, I know).

In 2012, my world changed. In the April, Dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer. He had his bladder removed in the June, and was told that that should keep him alive for a while. By the beginning of October, he was really unwell and was told that he might last for a few months but at the end of October he died with my mum and me beside him.

Life as it tends to, carries on. I was working my way up the career ladder and by November 2014, I got a role that promised progression, stability and job satisfaction. In February 2015, my mum was working abroad and she had got at the very least flu and was struggling. I got a message while I was at work that my maternal grandmother was failing. I went to her house after work, and found her semi-conscious in bed. My aunt came over to take over from me for the night. I returned the following morning with my sister-in-law. Soon after, my grandmother died. My mum was still abroad.

I think after years of dealing with various stresses, I eventually flipped – literally. At work. It wasn’t pretty; one afternoon I got really paranoid about things, and lost my shit. I wasn’t violent, I was angry and indignant at my perception of a situation. My immediate colleague made a complaint about me. I can’t really understand why – I’m sure she could see that I was at breaking point, that it wasn’t personal.

I never went back. I was signed off sick with work-related stress and then found the job where I am now. It’s a job that I go to, with minimum responsibility and that I can just leave when I walk out of the door.

Present day – we’ve found BDSM and love what it brings to our relationship, it’s like the cherry on a wonderful cake. I’ve had counselling recently and now understand that I’m a bit of a control freak in most areas of my life. BDSM gives me a break (in the best way possible), and I let myself be completely controlled by S.

The 24/7 D/s lifestyle is really appealing to us, and we keep trying to stick to the rules but life seems to get in the way. If S has a bad day at work, or is tired, he closes up. This makes me withdraw, and I think “Do you know what? I’m not bothering if you’re not”.

We talk and agree that we’ll revise expectations and rules but they seem to slip. When I said to S last night that I didn’t think the 24/7 D/s would happen anymore, he disagreed and said that we would be talking about it soon, so I suppose we’ll wait and see.

Does this slippage occur with any of you out there? Have you managed to stop it? How did you do that? Any advice for us noobs is very welcome.

Advertisements

Revelations

It’s still fairly new. We’re still dancing. Every encounter, scene or sometimes a conversation shows the infinite possibilities available to You and Us. I watch your eyes take stock of the joyous landscape that we have found ourselves in. Thank you my love, my Sir, my Master for agreeing to this wonderful world.